(Written by KW Rodgers Oct 2011)
Oh mama, where do I even begin to let you know how scared I am when I hear your voice talking with those strangers out there with you?
I am only 8 weeks young yet I already know what feels right or wrong. Why don’t they? Don’t they know that by now I can hear sounds? I hear what they are telling you to do even though I don’t quite understand it.
We’ve been together for 2 months now and I was starting to feel so close to you. I could sense your movements and I would kick and wiggle in an attempt to show you how much I love you. Didn’t you feel me trying to “talk” to you?
I don’t understand what’s happening to us? Did I do something wrong to make you mad at me? You used to gently rub your belly and it made me feel so comforted to know that you cared.
Now all I feel is tension and all the joy you once had seems to be slowly draining the life out of you. I feel your body shake as it racks itself with the sobs coming from deep within the core of your soul.
Why are you crying mommy? It makes me want to cry along.
I hear the voices now and they are getting louder and more angry. Why are they yelling at you to just get it over with? What does that mean? Are you in some kind of trouble? If you can just wait a few more months then I will be born and will be there to comfort you.
Wait! Please tell me I didn’t hear that right? Did they just say I am not a baby so now is the time to get rid of me? Where will I go when they get rid of me? Will I ever get to see you in the new place? Mommy, I wish you could hear me and ask them these questions for me and be my voice as I am still too small to speak.
It must be that there is fluid in my ears because I can hear and move and know I love you but I can’t hear you tell them that you won’t let them take me away.
Instead, all I hear is you ask them “Will it hurt?” Will what hurt? Will it make me cry like you are crying?
Suddenly the pain is searing – not just for you but immensely for me and I realize now what you had been talking about. Those voices didn’t mean to send me away, they meant to kill me.
Mommy, why aren’t you making them stop? You have the chance to make the right choice for me? Be my voice as I am too small to speak up on my own behalf.
Tell them I am too young to die before I’ve had a chance to live. Tell them I want to love, laugh and be hugged. Tell them I want to see your face and wipe away your tears.
The light in my heart is darkening as I feel the beating of it slowly fading off before I even have a chance to finish my next thought.
“Mommy, I want to…..”
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